I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
