he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
