Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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