he puts the penis in happiness.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
