mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
