Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
