If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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