Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
