I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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