He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
