Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
