So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
