just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm way too hungover for life right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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