Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
