there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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