I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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