dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize