he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize