I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
