Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
