he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
