Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize