I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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