Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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