Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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