Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
