I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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