you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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