My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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