I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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