omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
