Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just gift wrapped bread.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
