My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
