I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
