Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
