I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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