Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
