By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
