Who wears a wallet chain?!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
