Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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