I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
