So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
