I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
