I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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