david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
