my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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