i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize