its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
