His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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