no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
