i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
