Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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