chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize