I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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