you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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