saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
