i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
