sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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