No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
