So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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