Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
