he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
