I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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