After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
