I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As shirtless as possible
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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