How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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