How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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