Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
