I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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