Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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